I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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