Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you.
Bad choice
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
