How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
