phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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