So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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