Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
