I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
