dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
