I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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