can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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