why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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