God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
