i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
