Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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