im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
