just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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