I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
