We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
false alarm. still invincible.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
