Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
