farters have to be the big spoon...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
