Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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