maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
