Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
