Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
