either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
