I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
