Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize