dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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