did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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