but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
