she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
