maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize