I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize