if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
