okay pat passed out under dana's car
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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