I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
