Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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