Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
