i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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