bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The adults are the big ones right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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