you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
