A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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