For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
