I didn't shave. On purpose
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
