i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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