I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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