Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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