Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
