you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
