So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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