operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
