pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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