you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
