You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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