we have officially mastered the walk of shame
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
