okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
