when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
