pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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