He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
