I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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