I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is classic penis vs brain.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
